 Index of
Cautionary Tales
George, Who played with a Dangerous Toy, and suffered a Catastrophe
of considerable Dimensions.
Franklin Hyde, Who caroused in the Dirt and was corrected by
His Uncle.
Charles Augustus Fortescue, Who always Did what was Right, and
so accumulated an Immense Fortune.
Matilda Who told Lies, and was Burned to Death.
Henry King, who chews bits of String, and was early cut off
in Dreadful Agonies.
Hildebrand, Who was frightened by a Passing Motor, and was
brought to Reason.
Godolphin Horne, Who was cursed with the Sin of Pride,
and Became a Boot-Black.
Rebecca, who slammed doors for fun and perished miserably
Jim, Who ran away from his Nurse, and was eaten by a Lion.
Algernon, Who played with a Loaded Gun, and,
on missing his Sister was reprimanded by his Father.
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Cautionary
Tales in the Original Art:
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Other Stories:
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George, Who played with a Dangerous Toy, and suffered
a
Catastrophe of considerable Dimensions.
When George's Grandmamma was told
That George had been as good as Gold,
She Promised in the Afternoon
To buy him and Immense BALLOON.
And so she did; but when it came,
It got into the candle flame,
And being of a dangerous sort
Exploded
with a loud report!
The Lights went out! The Windows broke!
The Room was filled with reeking smoke.
And in the darkness shrieks and yells
Were mingled with Electric Bells,
And falling masonry and groans,
And crunching, as of broken bones,
And dreadful shrieks, when, worse Of all,
The House itself began to fall!
It tottered, shuddering to and fro,
Then crashed into the street below-
Which happened to be Savile Row.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
When Help arrive, among the Dead
Were
Cousin Mary,
Little Fred,
The Footmen
(both of them),
The Groom,
The man that cleaned the Billiard-Room,
The Chaplain, and
The Still-Room Maid.
And I am dreadfully afraid
That Monsieur Champignon, the Chef,
Will now be
permanently deaf-
And both his Aides
are much the same;
While George, who was in part to blame,
Received, you will regret to hear,
A nasty lump
behind the ear.
MORAL
The moral is that little Boys
Should not be given dangerous Toys.
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Franklin Hyde, Who caroused in the Dirt and was
corrected by His Uncle.
His uncles came on Franklin Hyde
Carousing n the Dirt.
He shook him hard from Side to Side
And Hit him till it Hurt,
Exclaiming, with a Final Thud,
"Take that! Abandoned Boy!
For Playing with Disgusting Mud
As though it were a Toy!"
MORAL
From Franklin Hyde's adventure, learn
To pass your Leisure Time
In Cleanly Merriment, and turn
From Mud and Ooze and Slime
And every form of Nastiness-
But, on the other Hand,
Children in ordinary Dress
May always play with Sand.
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Charles Augustus Fortescue, Who always Did what was
Right, and so
accumulated an Immense Fortune.
The nicest child I ever know
Was Charles Augustus Foretescue.
He never lost his cap, or tore
His stockings or his pinafore:
In eating Bread he made no Crumbs,
He was extremely fond
if sums,
To which, however, he pre-
ferred
The Parsing of a Latin
Word-
We sought, when it was in
his power,
For information twice and hour
And as for finding Mutton-Fat
Unappetizing, far from that!
He often, at his Father's Board,
Would beg them, of his own accord,
To give him, if they did not mind,
The Greasiest Morsels they could find-
His Later Years did no belie
The Promise of his Infancy
In Public Life he always tried
To take a judgment Broad and Wide;
In Private, non was more than he
Renowned for quiet courtesy.
He rose once in his Career
And long before his Fortieth Year
Had wedded
Fifi,,
Only Child
Of Bunyand, First Lord Aberfyld.
He thus became immensely Rich,
And build the Splendid Mansion which
Is called
"The Cedars Muswell Hill,"
Where he resides in Affluence still
to show what Everybody might
become by
SIMPLY DOING RIGHT.
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Matilda Who told Lies, and was Burned to Death.
Matilda told such Dreadful Lies,
It made one Gasp and Stretch one's Eyes;
Her Aunt, who, from her Earliest Youth,
Had kept a Strict Regard for Truth,
Attempted to believe Matilda:
The effort very nearly killed her,
And would have done so, had not She
Discovered this Infirmity.
For once, towards the Close of Day,
And finding she was left alone,
Went tiptoe to the telephone
And summoned the Immediate Aid
Of London's Nobel Fire-Brigade.
Within and hour the Gallant Band
Were pouring in on every hand,
From Putney, Hackney Downs and Bow,
With Courage high and Hearts a-glow
They galloped, roaring though the Town,
"Matilda's House is Burning Down"
Inspired by British Cheers and Loud
Proceeding from the Frenzied Crowd,
They ran their ladders through a score
Of windows on the Ball Room Floor;
And took Peculiar Pains to Souse
The Pictures up and down the House,
Until Matilda's Aunt succeeded
In showing them they were not needed
And even then she had to pay
To get the Men to go away!
. . . . .
It happened that a few Weeks later
Here aunt was off to the Theatre
To see that Interesting Play
The Second Mrs. Tanqueray.
She had refused to take her Niece
To here this Entertaining Piece:
A Deprivation Just and Wise
To Punish her for Telling Lies.
That Night a Fire did break out-
You should have heard Matilda Shout!
You should have heard her Scream and Bawl,
And throw the window up and call
To People passing in the Street-
(The rapidly increasing Heat
Encouraging her to obtain
Their confidence)-but it was all in vain!
For every time She shouted "Fire!"
They only answered "Little Liar!"
And therefore when her Aunt returned,
Matilda, and the House, were burned.
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Henry King, who chews bits of String, and was early cut
off
in Dreadful Agonies
The Chief Defect of Henry King
was chewing little bits of string.
At last he swallowed some which tied
itself in ugly knots inside.
Physicians of the utmost fame
were called at once; but when they came
they answered, as they took their fees,
"there is no cure for this disease.
"Henry will very soon be dead."
His parents stood about his bed
lamenting his untimely death,
when Henry, with his latest breath,
cried, "oh, my friends, be warned by me,
that breakfast, dinner, lunch, and tea
are all the human frame requires..."
with that, the wretched child expires.
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Hildebrand, Who was frightened by a Passing Motor,
and was brought to Reason.
"Oh, Murder! What was that, Papa!"
"My child, It was a motor-Car,
A Most Ingenious Toy!
Designed to Captivate and Charm
Much rather to rouse Alarm
In any English Boy.
"What would your Great Grandfather who
Was Aide-de-Camp to General Brue,
And lost a leg at Waterloo,
And Quatre-Bras and
Ligney too!
And died at Trafalgar!-
What would he have remarked to hear
His Young Descendant shriek with fear,
Because he happened to be near
A Harmless Motor-Car!
But do not fret about it! Come!
We'll off to Town
And purchase some!"
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Godolphin Horne, Who was cursed with the Sin
of Pride, and Became a Boot-Black.
Godolphin Horne was Nobly Born;
He held the Human Race in Scorn,
And lived with all his Sisters where
His father lived, in Berkeley Square.
And oh! the Lad was Deathly Proud!
He never shook your Hand or Bowed,
But merely smirked and nodded
thus:
How perfectly ridiculous!
Alas! That such Affected Tricks
Should flourish in a Child of Six!
(For such was Young Godolphin's age).
Just then, the Court required a Page,
Whereat the Lord High Chamberlain
(The Kindest and the Best of Men),
He went good-naturedly and took
A Perfectly Enormous Book
Called People Qualified to Be
Attendant on His Majesty,
And murmured, as he scanned the list
(To see that no one should be missed),
"There's William Coutts has got the Flue,
And Billy Higgs would never do,
And Guy de Vere is far too young,
And . . . wasn't D'Alton's Father hung?
And for Alexander Byng!-. . .
I think I know the kind of thing,
A Churchman, cleanly, nobly born,
Come let us say Godolphin Horne?"
But hardly had he said the word
When Murmurs of Dissent were heard.
The King of Iceland's Eldest Son
Said, "Thank you! I am taking none!"
The Aged Duchess of Atholone
Remarked, in her sub-acid tone,
"I doubt if He is what we need!"
With which the Bishops all agreed;
And even Lady Mary Flood
(So Kind, and oh! so really good)
Said, "No! He wouldn't do at all,
He'd make us feel a lot too small."
The Chamberlain said,
"... Well, well, well!
No doubt you're right. . . . One cannot tell!"
He took his Gold and Diamond Pen
And scratched Godolphin out again.
So now Godolphin is the Boy
Who blacks the Boots at the Savoy.
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Rebecca, who slammed doors for fun and perished
miserably
A trick that everyone abhors
In little girls is slamming doors.
A wealthy banker's little daughter
Who lived in Palace Green, Bayswater
(By name Rebecca Offendort),
Was given to this furious sport.
She would deliberately go
and slam the door like Billy-ho!
To make her uncle Jacob start.
She was not really bad at heart,
But only rather rude and wild;
She was an aggravating child....
It happened that a Marble Bust
Of Abraham was standing just
Above the Door this little Lamb
Had carefully prepared to slam,
And down it came! It knocked her flat!
It laid her out! She looked like that.
Her funeral Sermon (which was long
And followed by a sacred song)
Mentioned her Virtues, it is true,
But dwelt upon her Vices too,
And showed the Deadful End of One
Who goes and slams the door for fun.
The children who were brought to hear
The awful tale from far and near
Were much impressed, and inly swore
They never more would slam the Door,
- As often they had done before.
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Jim, Who ran away from his Nurse, and was eaten by a
Lion.
There was a boy whose name was Jim;
His Friends were very good to him.
They gave him Tea, and Cakes, and Jam,
And slices of delicious Ham,
And Chocolate with pink inside,
And little Tricycles to ride,
And read him stories through and though,
And even took him to the Zoo-
But there it was the dreadful Fate
Befell him, I now relate.
You know-at least you ought to know,
For I have often told you so-
That Children never are allowed
To leave their Nurses in a Crowd;
Now this was Jim’s especial Foible,
He ran away when he was able,
And on this inauspicious day
He slipped his hand and ran away!
He hadn’t gone a yard when-
Bang!
With open Jaws, a Lion sprang,
And hungrily began to eat
The Boy: beginning at his feet.
Now just imagine how it feels
When first your toes and then your heels,
And then by gradual degrees,
Your shins and ankles, calves and knees,
Are slowly eaten, bit by bit.
No wonder Jim detested it!
No wonder that he shouted “Hi!”
The Honest Keeper heard his cry,
Though very fat
he almost ran
To help the little gentleman
“Ponto!" he ordered as he came
(For Ponto was the Lion's name),
“Ponto!” he cried,
with angry frown
"Let go, Sir! Down, Sir! Put it down!"
The lion made a sudden Stop,
He let the Dainty Morsel drop
And slunk reluctant to his Cage
Snarling with Disappointed Rage
But when he bent him over Jim
The Honest Keeper's
eyes were dim
The Lion having reached his Head
The Miserable Boy was dead!
When Nurse informed his parents they
Were more concerned than I can say:-
His Mother, as she dried her eyes,
Said, "Well-It gives me no surprise,
He would not do as he was told!"
His father, who was self-controlled
Bade all the children round attend
To James’ miserable end,
And always keep a-hold of Nurse
For fear of finding something worse.
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Algernon, Who played with a Loaded Gun, and,
on missing his Sister was reprimanded by his Father.
Young Algernon, the Doctor’s
Son
Was
playing with a
Loaded Gun.
He pointed it to-
wards his sister,
Aimed very care-
fully, but
Missed her!
His Father, who was stand-
ing near,
The Loud Explosion chanced to Hear,
And reprimanded Algernon
For playing with a Loaded Gun.
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The Whale that wanders round the Pole
Is not a table fish.
You cannot bake or boil him whole
Nor serve him in a dish;
But you may cut his blubber up
And melt it down for oil.
And so replace the colza bean
(A product of the soil).
These facts should all be noted down
And ruminated on,
By every boy in Oxford town
Who wants to be a Don.
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As a friend to the children
commend me the Yak.
You will find it exactly the thing:
It will carry and fetch, you can ride on its back,
Or lead it about with a string.
The Tartar who dwells on the plains of Thibet
(A desolate region of snow)
Has for centuries made it a nursery pet,
And surely the Tartar should know!
Then tell you papa where the Yak can be got,
And if he is awfully rich
He will buy you the creature -- or else he will not.
(I cannot be positive which.)
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I shoot the Hippopotamus
with bullets made of platinum,
Because if I use leaden ones
his hide is sure to flatten 'em.
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The Big Baboon is found upon
The plains of Cariboo:
He goes about with nothing on
(A shocking thing to do).
But if he dressed up respectably
And let his whiskers grow,
How like this Big Baboon would be
To Mister So-and-so!
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The Scorpion is as black as soot,
He dearly loves to bite;
He is a most unpleasant brute
To find in bed at night.
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The Vulture eats between his meals,
And that's the reason why
He very, very, rarely feels
As well as you and I.
His eye is dull, his head is bald,
His neck is growing thinner.
Oh! what a lesson for us all
To only eat at dinner!
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